20 Years!

20 years ago today I married the most amazing man on the planet.

Wow!  I can't believe I even get to type that right now.  First, I don't know how I'm old enough to have been married 20 years :)  Second, is that unfortunately, so many marriages don't make it to this point.

At this point in my life, I've lived with Doug more than I've lived without him.  I honestly cannot even remember life without him and really don't want to.  Now, I would love to sit here and say that the last 20 years have been all fairy tales and roses, but that's just not the case.  We've had our tough times, like everybody does.  But, I can sit here today and say that the word Divorce has never came up.  We chose in the beginning to make this work.  Sometimes it's been easy, sometimes it's been a fight.  But if there's something worth fighting for, than it has to be your spouse.  Your family.

To be honest, I married Doug because I knew he was going to be an amazing father.  I was right.  Now, though, I realize how much more there is to being an amazing spouse than just being good to our kids.  It's like he completes me.  Now, I know that's one of the most cheezy things to say, but it's true.  Doug is everything I'm not.  He balances me in a way that makes me a better person.  Now, sometimes it drives me crazy, but I know it's what I need in my life.

He's my support. My rock.  I know he will steadfastly be there for me no matter what.  He loves me unconditionaly.  It has taken me a long time and a lot of work to realize that he's with me for good.  He loves me that much.

I am so amazed at the man he is.  I am so proud of the growth I've seen in him.  He's allowing God to work in him in mighty ways.  With the work he's done to make himself better, along with the work I've done to make myself better, it's no wonder how much our marriage is thriving right now.  I love him more today than ever.  There's no one I would rather spend my day with.  No one I would rather share my thoughts with.  I'm so blessed that I get to call him husband.

We've been blessed with three of the most amazing kids on the planet.  I know that a huge part of that is Doug.  Having a dad that loves you.  That wants to spend time with you.  That's so huge!  I could not ask for a better dad for my children.

So, I just want to say that I love you babe.  More today than ever before.  Thanks for putting up with me.  I know I was not always the easiest person to live with, but you have stayed by me through thick and through thin.  I can't believe the life we get to live.  I'm so excited for the next 20 years.  I know that with God so firmly in the center, they're going to be unmatchable.  God has placed us here, together.  There's is no one I would rather be on this journey we call life with than you.  I love you so much.  More than I can ever put into words.

God Delights to Show Mercy

I've been reading the bible through in a year.  It's a plan through You Version and I really like it.  It's sad to say that I have never read the bible through and so I figured it was about time.  I've been working on it for almost two years now, mostly because I read a lot of commentary, so it usually takes me two days to complete one plan day of chapters.  I only have 14 days left.  I am honestly ready to be done.  It feels like I have been at it forever!  So, I confessed to Doug just yesterday that I was kinda getting in the habbit of reading the chapters just to check it off that I did because I'm so ready to be done.  Well, this morning, God spoke to me and I had to just stop and meditate on what He had to say to me.  I'm so glad I did!

Micah 7:18-19
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.  You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

The phrase that I just had to stop on was delight to show mercy.  God delights in showing me mercy!  He enjoys showing me His goodness and His forgiveness.  When I think of someone forgiving me, I think of a sigh and an I guess attitude, knowing that they're just waiting until they can bring it back up and throw it in my face.  Not so with God.  He delights in offering me forgiveness.  Did you notice the next verse?  You will again have compassion on us.    He not only delights in showing us mercy, He never tires of it.  He will forgive us and let us start anew over and over and over again.  His mercy never fails, it is new every morning.  

As I was thinking about just how huge of a promis this is, I thought "Wow!  God must really love me!"  I was up for awhile last night.  I just couldn't sleep.  David Crowder's Song You are My Joy just kept playing over and over in my head.  Well, as soon as I had the thought about how much God loves me, that song popped in my head and it wasn't me singing it to God.  It was like He was singing it to me!

I am His joy.
He delights in me!
Wow!  What an amazing thing to just meditate on.

A Look Back

I've been in a little bit of a rut lately.  Nothing huge, but still a rut.  I've been sick.  Ugh!  I hate being sick!  It messes up my schedule and I am a person that functions best with a schedule.  I also have just been sleeping, a ton!  Because of this, I haven't really been spending time with God like I want to.  I knew that if I read my bible, I would just be going through the motions.  I wouldn't really being getting anything out of it.  I just felt that bad!

It's so easy during a short phase like this to lose sight of where you're at.  It gives Satan the opportunity to tell lies that can be easy to believe.  Lies like "you never hear from God" "God doesn't speak to you like He does to others" and so many more.  I was feeding into these lies.  Kinda getting really down at where I am in my walk.

This morning I am finally feeling better.  Not great, but definitely where I know I can read my bible, pray and actually be able to focus on what God has to say to me.  After I was done praying, I just felt the urge to read back through some of my journal.  Wow!  I was in such awe of all God has done over the past six months.  Prayers that I had started praying in December & January are being answered right now!  I can see where God has changed me in answer to other prayers I had prayed.  And I was reminded of work God is still doing in other areas.

What an amazing morning.  For God to say I am speaking to you, see, here's proof.  You don't have to believe the lies of the enemy.

You're not going to "feel" God all the time.  That doesn't mean He's not there.  It doesn't mean that He's not still working.  So, take a look back.  See what God has done.  Call Satan out on his lies.  I am so thankful for this blog and my personal journal where I can record what God is saying and doing in me.  Written proof of His love for me and His work in me.

An Amazing Couple of Months and an Amazing Life

I haven't posted in forever and now so much has happened and I don't even know where to start.  I'll get my excuse out of the way up front for why I haven't posted and it's not even a good one.  If it was a good one I would have said reason, but I don't have a reason for not posting, all I have is an excuse.  I've been busy.  See, told you it was just an excuse.  But, I honestly have been busy and since this blogging is more like journaling for me, it takes me awhile to write all my thoughts down and have them come across like I want them to.  And I honestly just haven't had the time to take over an hour in the mornings to do that.  So here I am on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, the kids outside playing, so I have a quiet house and am going to try to do some justice to the last couple of months in my life.

I flew for the very first time!  Yep!  That's right!  Something I didn't think I'd ever do. Yet, I always say you should never say never because sometimes, ok for me a lot of times, God pushes you to that never.  There was a church planting conference in Georgia.  I really, really wanted to go but I really, really didn't want to fly.  I finally came to the conclusion that I know God has BIG plans for SCC and since a huge group of us was going, including most of the leadership team and our pastor, the plane probably wouldn't crash.  I know that sounds terrible, but it's honestly what finally convinced me to take the plunge and just do it.  I am so glad I did.  So much good came from the conference.  Not only did I learn a ton, but God showed me what SCC is going to be like.  I saw the people worshipping.  I saw flashes of the faces of people's lives that are going to be transformed.  It was unlike anything I've ever experienced.  The other thing that happened, and probably even bigger than the vision God gave me, was that Doug & I had almost a break through in our relationship.  We have a good marriage, a very good marriage.  You might even say we have a great marriage, but now we are on the road to a fantastic marriage.  It's just so amazing how God is working in us and as we are getting closer to Him, we are getting closer to each other.  I am so, so thankful the man of God my husband is.  I am beyond blessed to be on this journey with him.

The next thing Doug and I did was go to Leadership Advance.  Basically, it was our leadership team getting together over a few days and talking about our church.  Where we've been, where we're going, what's been good, what needs to change.  It was just such a privilege to be there.  I've never been a part of something like that before and it was basically awesome.  We had some amazing prayer times, some amazing conversations, God was there.  Like I said, it was awesome!

I was driving the other day and literally asked myself if I was dreaming.  That's what I feel like, like this is one big dream.  I'm living the dream.  Now, it might not seem like that from worldly standards, but from my view, it's definitely what it feels like.  I guess living the dream when you're a Christ follower is being in the center of His will.  I have no doubt that is exactly where Doug and I are.  Things aren't always easy.  Things are not perfect.  But we're right where God wants us to be and there is no where else I want to be.

The last big thing that has happened is God has really changed my attitude with Jazzy Girl.  About a  month ago, Pastor Dan preached on rest.  I prayed that if God wanted me to quit Jazzy Girl so I would have more time for other things I would.  You see, I don't want to work.  I want to be a mom.  I want to be a wife.  I want to cook, clean, help my kids with school and then have nothing else to do.  But, God's answer was no and then the very next week I had the biggest week I've ever had.  I did more in one week than I did the whole month of February last year.  God really showed me just how blessed I am to be able to work from home.  I get to spend every day with my kids.  Even though I may not be able to just sit with them, they are in with me while I'm working most of the day.  How many other working moms get to say that.  I am so very, very blessed.  I've also hired a helper, shout out Brooke Robinson, and just the 2 hours she helps me each week are huge!  I've also changed some of the ways I do some things and it helps me be more efficient.  I started  listening to preaching, leadership podcasts & Christian nonfiction books while I sew in the morning.  I feel like I'm learning so much while I'm working and it makes the time go faster. I also have an extremely flexible schedule so I can pretty much do what I want when I want.  When I start listing it all out again, I'm reminded of just how blessed I am to do what I do.  I know it's God that has blessed my business and I know that He is going to continue to do so.

So, that's pretty much the highlights of the last few months:
Church is amazing
My marriage is amazing
My job is amazing

So, pretty much I have an amazing life.  I read in Esther 4:14 the other day:
"For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

God could have chosen anybody to do what Doug and I are doing.  If we would have said no, it really wouldn't have been that big of deal for Him.  But, we were brought here for such a time as this.  A time to help start a church that will change lives and in the process, change our lives.  Amazing?  I don't even think that's the right word, but it's the best I've got.

Just Believe

I was reading to today in Mark 5 about Jairus, a synagogue leader whose daughter was very ill. He asked Jesus to come to his house because he knew Jesus could heal her. Jesus was stopped on the way by the healing of the women who had a bleeding disorder for 12 years. After he spoke with her, friends came and told Jairus to not bother Jesus any longer because his daughter had died. Jesus heard them and his response to Jairus was "Do not be afraid, just believe."

"Do not be afraid, just believe." Such powerful words that speak into my life. It's so easy to be afraid, to not understand when things don't go as we had planned. It's so easy in those times to question God and ask why. All we really need to do is trust and keep believing.

As I look back over the past year, I can see where I needed to hear those words over and over. When we got preapproved for a loan, put an offer in on a house and then our loan fell through ~ Do not be afraid, just believe. When Doug quit his nice comfy job before he had found a job here ~ Do not be afraid, just believe. When Doug ended up having to go to the hospital with a needle in his lung and we didn't have insurance ~ Do not be afraid, just believe.

You know, I could go on and on of the things that have happened. But, I have to say, as I look back, God has taken care of every situation. He not only took care of them, but he has worked in us through them. I can honestly say that I am thankful for every single "bad" thing that has happened to us this year. I feel like I'm sitting here a different person than I was a year ago. I owe that to God. He had to allow some things to happen to shake my faith to make it stronger. To open my eyes to some things I was allowing in my life that were tearing me down and not building me up. I can look back on this year and know "that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28. ALL THINGS! I truly believe that.

Now, I have to say, that is so much easier to sit here, look back, and know the power of those words. It's another thing entirely to live them in the moment. But I also know, that with God having come through every single time, how can I not believe them. Believe in Him. This is why I take time to blog these entries. So that the next time I'm in the middle of a Do not be afraid, just believe moment, I can come back and realize that it's not the first time I've been in this kind of situation. In fact, I'm sure it won't be the last. But if God got me through in the past. I know He'll get me through now. Not only will He get me through, but He'll use the situation to work in me to help be a little more like Him.

Do not be afraid, just believe. Truly, words to live by.

A New Year

New Year's and I have a love/hate relationship. I hate it because it's just a sign that another year has gone by. I'm a year older. My kids are a year older. Another calendar taken down and thrown away. (ok, those that know me totally know I mean recycle) Now, I'm not one of those people that cries at each birthday. I don't mind getting older and, I hope, wiser. I also love watching my kids grow up. I'm truly blessed with amazing kids and seeing the people that they are growing up to be is a blessing. But, it is an adjustment as they get older. Knowing my time to be with them every day is slowly coming to an end. It can also be hard knowing that another year has gone by where I didn't get some things done I've wanted to do. It's just another year...gone.

However, I also love New Year's. It's just this fresh start. The past year and everything I didn't do is wiped clean with a chance for me to start again. This year I've decided to set some resolutions. I'm going to record them here so I can keep myself accountable and look back on them from time to time.

1.) Never sit down to do my devotions without my journal.
I'm actually really excited about this one. In fact, I wrote more in my journal this morning than I ever have. It's so easy to sit down to read my bible so I can check it off my list. I don't ever want my devotions to be like that this year. I want to sit down, knowing that Jesus is sitting right with me and ready to love me, teach me, grow me. I want to be able to record what He has to say so I can look back and remember. I use this blog as a journal somewhat, but let's be honest, there's some things that are just between God and I and I want to be sure to record those this year.

2.) Live in Freedom this year
This is something that God's really been working on in me for awhile. This year, I'm going to succeed. God told me this morning that when I start focusing on all my faults and mistakes it's because I've taken my eyes off of Him. I'm going to strive to keep my eyes on Jesus this year and live my life through Him completely.

3.) Eat better and get in shape
To be honest, I think this has been a resolution of mine for as long as I can remember. However, this year, I think I'm finally ready to do it.

So, a new year, a fresh start. May it be a year full of Jesus in my life. May it be a year where He finds me an empty vessel that He can work through.