A Mistake???? I Don't Think So!

I have been struggling the past couple of weeks with not "feeling" God's presence. When we first felt called to Fishers and literally felt God speak to us, it was so amazing. For the next month or so, as we're telling everybody and reliving the experience of being called, I just felt so close to God. Seeing how he specifically called us. Has a plan for us. Cares about us. It was just so amazing. Well, then the waiting comes. We have to get our house remodeled before when can try to sell it. We've been waiting for Doug to start looking for jobs once the house is listed. So, we're just doing the everyday thing. It's amazing how you can so easily "lose" God in the everyday. Not that he's not there. Not even that I haven't heard his voice. But, those amazing moments are fading. You can't ride high all the time, sometimes things are just "normal." It's hard to live "normal" once you have such an amazing experience. So, I've been seeking and praying and just trying to get those feelings back, and when I don't, I start to question where I'm at. Why don't I "feel" God.

I came down this morning to have my devotions once the kids left for school. My bible study is doing Lysa Terkeurst's "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl." It's really an amazing study. So I set down and read the next chapter. The title of the chapter "What do I do when I don't feel God." I don't know how many times I've set down to do this study and it spoke right at what I was dealing with! To sum up very loosely what I got from today..when we don't "feel" God with our hearts, we make a choice in our minds to KNOW that God is near and the heart will follow! After I read the chapter, I opened the study guide to do the questions. I got confused because it appeared that I hadn't done the prior lesson. Started looking at the schedule, the book and messages I had sent out and Yep! I had done the wrong lesson! Really? No, I had done the perfect lesson God wanted me to do for today. I just did it one month early for our study. So, now I'm behind in my bible study, but Oh so thankful for a God that supplies my every need. Provides words I need to hear. That loves me that much!

Chess Club

For the past couple of years, Brandt has been a part of chess club. Two mornings a week, he has practice before school and then there's one big meet of all the schools. The kids play five rounds. Brandt did so good! He won 3 games and lost 2. He was so proud of himself. My mom came to watch him as well. Of course, he didn't do quite as well as she told everybody he did last year. She told everyone that he had tied for first of all the kids there. Not quite. He got a ribbon for participation, and he was happy with that. I think my favorite part of the day was Doug. After each round, he went to the back room where all the kids stayed between rounds and set with Brandt. He also watched, really watched, each round. I am so blessed with a husband that loves his kids and wants to spend time with them!

Tumbling

We signed Jazlyn up for tumbling about a year ago. She loves it! At first she was really shy and I always had to walk out with her. Well, she sure has gotten a lot more comfortable lately! She acts totally different! Even her teacher has mentioned it. I think one of the main differences is that she's in class with Emma. They get in trouble a lot and last week they were separated. During one class they got up, holding hands, and started walking off together. One of the helpers had to stop them and make them go back and sit with their class. This past week, Emma was sitting on the floor and another girl was sitting right beside her. Jazlyn got back from working with John and tried to wedge herself between the two. The other little girl would not move. So Jazlyn says "MOVE." After a small argument, she finally scooted over. Jazlyn set down, put her arm around Emma, and said "she's my friend." They're so stinking cute!

They do more than just tumbling. They do sack racing, play with the big parachute, jump on the trampoline and play follow the leader. All in all, it's a fun experience for her and I'm so glad we signed her up!

In Keeping With my New "Resolution"....

I bought a new card game yesterday. Brandt and I had to go to Walmart, so I decided to take a look at the card games. They always have these card games that are around $5 and it seems like the kids and I always enjoy them. Well, they had a new game called "Life Adventures." I decided to go ahead and get it, thought it would be a new game for the kids and I to play in keeping with my new "resolution", if you will. Well, the game is a lot of fun. Austin, Brandt and I played it right after lunch. Then Austin and Brandt played it. Then Austin and Brandt played again and they let Jazzy play. Then Jazzy screamed hysterically for about 10 minutes because Austin and Brandt wanted to take a break and she wanted to play again. I had to stop sewing so I could play with her. Once I said I'd play, Brandt played with us as well. Then we had company, so the game got put away. Once Doug got home, we all played again. Then Jazzy wanted to play again and when we told her we weren't playing, she said she'd just play by herself. "I think I'll win" she says. Doug: "I should hope so, since you're the only one playing."

So, I think the new game went over very well! Jazzy's still in bed. I'm wondering how many times I'm going to have to play it once she wakes up.....

Keeping me in check

Brandt did not have a good day yesterday. Him and Austin fought ALL DAY! He was horrible when it was time to bed. It just was not a good day for him. I finally went up to put him in bed. I covered him up and started walking out of the room and he said "you didn't even tuck me in." So, I came back gave him a kiss and took a few minutes just to talk to him. Found out that he was upset because we hadn't been eating together as a family at the dining room table and that we hadn't been playing games together as a family. Wow! What a check! He just wants us. He just wants us to spend time with him. Kids aren't complicated. They want to know that you love them and you show them that by your actions. So, we are eating together at the table, no matter what! We are also going to get intentional about doing things together as a family. Thank you Brandt!

When God Calls Us

I started reading in Matthew today. I've decided I want to really study Jesus and the person He is. Today I read about Mary and Joseph. They were engaged and Mary finds herself with child. Joseph decides to divorce her quietly and that'll be the end of it. Then, the angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph and told him the child was of the Holy Spirit. I keep thinking, what if Joseph would have said no? What if Mary would have said no? This was not an easy road for either of them. God must've known they would say yes. He must've known they would follow wherever he leads. Does God know that about me? He has called us to Fishers. I know he has a wonderful plan there. Does God need me to make His work happen? Not necessarily. God can work however He wants. But, He chooses us! I have no idea what my future looks like. But I do know that I'm on this Path that God has chosen for me. I just need to be obedient and He'll take care of the rest. In the mean time, I get to sit back and watch God do amazing things and I'm going to have this small part in it. How blessed am I!

The Ladybug Game

I love to play games. I especially love to play games with my kids. I try to keep my eye out for any new games that we can get that look like they may be fun. I was at Target some time ago and came across a game simply titled "The Ladybug Game." It was for ages 3 & up, so I decided to get it. Well, Jazz LOVES it! We play it several times a day. There were originally four different ladybugs you could be. We have lost one, so there are three left. They are Ricky Red, Tommy Teal and Olivia Orange. Whenever we play, she is Ricky Red and I'm Olivia Orange. Always! Sometimes I'll try to be Tommy Teal but she won't let me. Well, tonight, Doug played with her. He tried to be Tommy Teal but she said "No, you have to be Olivia Orange." When Doug asked her why she said because she was smiling. I never thought to ask why, but I guess we have to be happy ladybugs!

Birth control for my birthday

Most every night when I get ready for bed, Jazz comes up with me. She'll do her contacts - she sticks her finger in the solution and rubs it on her eyes. She washes her face - splashes water all over it. She brushes her teeth - ok, you probably get how that works. Well, one of the first things I do is take my birth control pill. Awhile ago, Jazz says "Oh, I need one of those." I was like, my birth control? I don't think so. Well, just about every night she would ask for one. I think I understand. They're in this cute pink case and they're these little pink pills, I'm sure she thinks they just look great! Well, finally one day she asked if she could have some for Christmas! She hasn't said anything in awhile, but last night she asked if she could have some for her birthday. She said "but I really, really want some!" Oh, it's just too cute. Well, as long as she doesn't ask for them when she's 16....

Austin David Jones February 13, 1997

I was induced the day after my due date. My doctor said I wasn't getting any bigger so there was no reason to keep me pregnant. I got up and took a shower and ate a pancake breakfast. We had to get to the hospital at 8:00am. By 8:30 they had started pitocin. By noonish, they had me at the maxed dosage with still no contractions. I was pretty scared at first, but after awhile, was just ready to feel something. Doug and I watched The Price is Right and played cards. They brought Doug a big lunch and I got to eat chicken broth and an orange popsicle.

Finally at 3:00, the doctor came in and said she was going to break my water. At around 3:30, I got up and went to bathroom. Austin was born at 4:07. Once it started, it went really fast. When he came out the doctor said he was one of the most beautiful babies she had ever seen. Doug and I definitely agreed!

It's hard to believe that was 14 years ago! So, happy birthday Austin! I love you!

14 years ago today...

My most clear memories of my birthdays growing up, and to be honest, most of them when I've been an adult is my mom saying "XX years ago today...." and then she tells some sort of piece of the day when I was born. I always responded with a groan, a moan and an "Oh mom!" Now when she does it, I just smile. Why? Because I, of course, do this to my kids now.

Austin walked down the stairs this morning and the first thing I said was "14 years ago today" and he responds with a groan, a moan, and a "it's not even my birthday yet!" Yeah, his birthday is tomorrow. But I always start looking back the day before the kid's birthdays. 14 years ago today, I had no children. Now God has blessed me with 3! 14 years ago today, Doug and I went to the mall and walked and walked and walked, hoping to start labor so I wouldn't have to be induced the next morning. We also bought a white snow suit to bring Austin home in. Oh the memories. You just cherish and savor them.

So, can you guess what my first words tomorrow morning to Aus will be :)

The faith of Abraham

I was reading in Romans today about the righteousness of Abraham. Abraham was 75 years old when God promised him a son. Isaac was born when Abraham was 100 years old. During the 25 years between the promise and when the promise was fulfilled, Abraham's faith never waivered and it was "counted to him as righteousness." 25 years is a long time to wait! I think I would have been like "Yo, God, I'm not getting any younger here!" But it says that Abraham's faith NEVER waivered. Day in and day out, Abraham believed that God would follow through. He trusted God. He had faith.

We're on this journey to Fishers and I have no idea what the road looks like. I have faith that everything's going to work out just fine. Of course, I've only been on this journey for about 2 months, Matt & Brooke have been waiting over 2 years! What is my faith going to look like if it takes longer than I think it should? Sometimes I wish we were already there. Then I stop to think about all that I'd be missing. I'm so excited to see how God is going to work all this out, and He will. In His time. In His way. My job is to trust. To have faith. When the road takes a turn I'm not expecting, I'll just keep my eyes on Him. Maybe we'll be there by June, which is my desire. Maybe we won't be there until August, when Matt would like the families to be there. Or, maybe God has a different plan. As time goes on and I'm not understanding God's timing, maybe I'll take a look at Abraham. If he can wait 25 years, I'm sure I can wait a few months. After all, I'm on an everlasting journey and sometimes the everlasting takes more than a few days, weeks or even months.

Why don't you fix mashed potatoes?

I have been really trying to cook more. During the fall, while I was terribly busy with craft shows, we got into the habit of eating out way too much. Trying to break that habit has been hard. We're doing a lot better. One thing that has helped is that I make a lot of crockpot meals. I've also broken down and buy one kind of frozen dinner type meal for each two week period. This just gives me any easy night some time when I need it. One that we actually really like is chicken enchiladas. Well, we had it the other night and Brandt asked what we were having. I told him enchiladas and said "why don't you fix mashed potatoes with it?" I just had to laugh. Can you tell he loves mashed potatoes, I mean why else would you want them with enchiladas?!? I told him I would fix BBQ Chicken on Saturday and would make mashed potatoes with it! Which reminds me....I need to thaw some chicken!

Everlasting....

Yesterday, I told Jazlyn we had to go somewhere. She wanted to know if we were going to Auntie Kim's. I told her no and she said "Oh, we haven't moved there yet." Then she said the funniest thing. She said "are we going to push our house there?" I just laughed and told her we would be getting a brand new house there and a different family would be living here, in this house.

She doesn't understand everything. She doesn't even understand why we are moving. To her, it's all about being near Auntie Kim. What she doesn't realize is that this is going to make an everlasting change in her life.

God has given me two words over the past few months as we're starting on our journey. One is everlasting and the other is path. Today, I'm going to share about everlasting. We'll get to path another time.

Once we committed to going, when we KNEW that this is what God wanted for us, the word everlasting came to me. I feel so humbled when I think that God is going to use me. He's going to use me in this church and in other people's lives. We're going to to be used by God to make an everlasting difference to the people of Fishers. The funny thing is, is that they don't even know yet! The church is going to start and people's lives are going to be changed, forever, everlasting change. Doug and I and the other couples that are going are not going to be the same either. We get the privilege of God working through us to do something amazing. How can anybody be the same after that? We will be changed, everlasting change. I guess the one that I love the most is that my kids will be changed, everlasting! They might not get it all right now. I'm sure Austin understands, and Brandt might get it some, but definitely not Jazz. As they grow older, as their faith matures, they'll understand this huge leap of faith we're taking. They can look back at our example and be willing to step out in faith with God, to totally trust Him in their circumstances. Their faith is going to be changed, everlasting!

So, although it is kinda scary and I can really start to worry myself if I stop and think of everything that has to happen for us to get there and for the church to be a success. Instead of focusing on the now, I'm focusing on the everlasting. There's no better focus to have.

The Call....

June 2010
I'm at a finance team meeting at church, preparing the budget for the coming year. Pastor Dale shares with us that Pastor Matt & Brooke will be leaving the church sometime within the next year. They have a call to plant a church in Fishers, IN. I was really upset with the news. Matt & Brooke are in our life group and our life group is very close. We were told not to tell anybody, so I didn't even share it with Doug.

That Sunday, Matt preached. Driving home, I was thinking about how much I would miss them and hated that they were leaving. I almost said it to Doug, but remembered that I hadn't told him. On Wednesday, I almost said something again and decided that I would just have to share with him. It's not like Doug's a big talker and would go and tell everybody :) So, Wednesday morning, I told him and it hit me that they're going to Fishers. That's the town right next to my sister! I was so excited to tell her about it that night. We always had a weekly phone conversation while Austin was at switch!

Over the summer, Kimberly and I would talk often about the church and Matt and Brooke. Kimberly was really excited to be involved once it came. Never was anything mentioned of even the possibility of Doug and I moving to help plant the church.

October 2010
Matt announces to our life group that they are leaving to plant a church in Indiana. It comes out that I have known for awhile and that it's basically right where my sister lives. Mary turns and looks at me and says "you're not going too, are you?" I said "No way! We're not moving here until Doug can retire, he's got way too good of a job."

November 2010
Went to church one Sunday, just like every other Sunday. Pastor Matt gets up to preach and I start crying. I was thinking, man, I like the guy, but this is ridiculous! I felt God say "maybe you should be praying about if you should go with them." On the way home from church, I tell Doug and he says "maybe we should." Matt had shared that others had come to him and asked if they should go with him. He told them to fast and pray for 30 days and then come back to him. So, we didn't say anything to anybody. I fasted facebook and Doug fasted the computer as a whole.

Doug and I had never joined together in fast and prayer over anything. It was huge step for us, not only spiritually, but also as a couple. I told myself, maybe God just wants us to fast and pray together. My prayers were very specific and always the same. I wanted a very clear answer from God. Not signs, not coincidences, not feelings. I wanted to hear God say "Go". This was a huge thing. Doug is probably not going to be able to be a police officer there. Most departments have an age limit that Doug is above. If he could find a police job, the pay would be much less than he makes now and he would more than likely be on 2nd shift again. So, for us to take this step, I wanted to know FOR SURE that it was from God. Then I would know he has a plan for us. He has a path for us. He has a job, a house, everything we need already in the makings.

A little over a week later, I was talking to my sister and she was having a really bad day. So, I told her not to get excited but that we were praying and fasting about coming with Matt and Brooke. She started crying. I told her "that's why I wasn't going to tell you!" She agreed to pray with us as well. Not that God would call us there, but that he would clearly show us His will.

That Friday, we're at lifegroup and I mention that I'm fasting facebook. Jesse asks me why and so I share that we're praying about if we should go with Matt and Brooke. I look over at Brooke and she has a huge smile on her face. Everyone agreed to pray with us, that God would give us a clear answer. I realize now how much we needed prayer support, and how much we'll need it going forward. I tend to keep things to myself and that's not the best thing to do. I'm so thankful for an amazing life group that actually does life with us!

Coming home from church that Sunday, I ask Doug if he has felt anything, one way or the other about going. He says "not since that first Sunday." I was like "what do you mean?" He answered "well, you remember that first Sunday when you said you felt God say we should pray about going? Well, I felt it to, but I wasn't going to say anything if you didn't say something first." I said "you never told me that!" He said "that's because you said something!" Wow! I was so shocked. I thought Doug was just praying because I said we should; but, God had spoken to both of us, at the same service! I cried as I typed this. How amazing!

December 2010
The coming Sunday would be 28 days of our fast and prayer. I joked with everyone, my lifegroup and Kim that I was pretty sure God was going to answer me on that day. Nate had prayed about going and God answered him on day 28. We go to church and Matt even preached and I felt nothing. I was really disappointed. I had prayed for so long, so faithfully, so specifically and nothing. Mary and Brooke talked with me after the service to see if I had an answer and I said no. Doug just stood there and when I said something to him he said "you don't listen very well." I said "you think we should go." He said "yes". Later, I found out that during the last song, he heard God say "go" and when he said "is this my answer?" God said "yes, go."

Monday morning was rough. I had a very bad morning. To pray, to fast, to read my bible faithfully and not get an answer, I felt so let down. It was supposed to be this amazing God moment in my life, and nothing.

For the past couple of years I have really been working on allowing Doug to step up and be the man of the house. He is very passive and I'm more forceful, so just naturally I tend to take the lead. I have really felt convicted by God that this is not right and have been trying hard to take a step back. My sister knows all of this for I share pretty much everything with her. So, we go to Indiana that following weekend for my mom's wedding. On Saturday night, Kim asks me how it's going and I told her that I didn't feel God tell me to go but Doug did. She starts crying and says that we're so coming! She reminded me of how I have been trying to let Doug be the head of our home. She also said what a huge deal it was for Doug to say he felt we should go. He's leaving his family and an occupation. For him to say we're going, and want to go....that's huge! These were things I had told myself during the week, but I still wanted a clear "go" from God!

We ended up heading home on Saturday night because a blizzard was coming. We got up and went to church on Sunday morning. We had dinner scheduled with Matt & Brooke early that coming week to talk about Fishers and our possible call. So, we see Matt before church and were talking to him. I told him I still didn't have an answer, but I really thought I wanted to know now and God wanted to tell me in His time. Church starts and Matt gets up to preach and in my mind I say to God "I'm ready to hear the answer in Your time, not mine." I immediately hear "I was ready to tell you six months ago (in June when I found out they were leaving). Do you think it's a coincidence that they started a lifegroup right when you started looking for one? No, I specifically placed you with them, to develop a relationship with them. To grow to love them. Do you think it's a coincidence that they're starting a church within 10-15 minutes of your sister? How long have you had a desire to be near your family? Do you think it's a coincidence that Doug can retire after 8 years and he hit the 8 year mark last month? No, my child, this is my perfect, divine plan for you."

I still am in awe of that. That God has a plan for me! I'm nothing special, have no major skills, but God is going to use me to plant a church that is going to change lives! I have so much more to share, but I'll leave those for another day. Thanks for letting me share! I'm so excited to complete the story over the next several months and years.

Let's try this again!

So, it's been a year since my last post. That really seems hard to believe! But, I'm going to try and do better. I started this for the memories, and I know I'm missing out on documenting so much, so here we go again. Another big reason for this is that there's a big change coming up, I think I'll start a brand new post so I can tell you all about it....