Never Wavering?

I was reading in John 10 today and it struct me how confident and sure Jesus was. Take a look:

17 “Therefore My Father loves Me, because I lay down My life that I may take it again. 18 No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of Myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This command I have received from My Father.”

He's so confident about laying down his life. He knows about the cross and he's fine with it. But, take a look at Gethsemane just a short time later:

36 Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.” 37 And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. 38 Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”
39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”
40 Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? 41 Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
42 Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless[a] I drink it, Your will be done.” 43 And He came and found them asleep again, for their eyes were heavy.
44 So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words. 45 Then He came to His disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.”

Jesus was exceeding sorrowful, even to the point of death! He prayed three times that he wouldn't have to endure the cross. Oh how I can see myself in this. I'm so confident right now. Our house is up for sell and once it sells, we're moving, whether Doug has a job or not. I'm excited to just step out in faith and see how God's going to work. Right now. How am I going to feel when it actually comes time for Doug to quit his job and he doesn't have one there? I'm pretty sure I'm going to have my doubts. I'm going to be asking God for another way right up until then. I mean, once we get an offer on our house and we put in an offer over there, He'll have about a month to work. He can bring about a job during that time. But what if He doesn't?

You know, I know God can handle our questions. He can handle our doubt. I think He can even handle our unbelief as long as we're crying out "Lord help my unbelief." What he cannot tolerate is disobedience. If we look him in the eye and say "yes Lord" and then turn around and do something else, what kind of faith is that? We cannot be surface Christians. God wants more than that. What does He say to the church of Laodicea?

Revelation 3:16
So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.

So, I'm bringing God my fears. What else am I supposed to do with them? He knows they're there. I cannot hide them from Him. He wants me to bring them to Him. Right now it's not so bad. They creep up every once in awhile. But as we get closer, I know they are going to surround me. During that time I know I will be in prayer a lot. What better place to be than at the feet of Jesus allowing Him to work in me. The best thing is is that I know there's going to be a time when I get to look back and be like "Wow! Look how Jesus just worked everything out!" What an amazing day that will be.

Watching His Actions

Doug and I have been married going on 18 years. That's really hard for me to believe since I'm still so young :) I tell everybody that he's about 95% perfect and totally mean it. We are vastly different people though. God just created us differently. I think the saying "opposites attract" is very true and it happens for a reason. I think God brings two very different people together so they can offset and balance each other. You can learn so much and grow from living with someone who is totally opposite of you.

One of the biggest ways Doug and I are different is verbally. I am a verbal person. I like to talk and share about my day and my thoughts. Getting Doug to share anything is like pulling teeth! He just doesn't have that desire. It can become an issue if I let it. We did the Five Love Languages quiz several years ago and one of my top ones is Words of Affirmation. Now, when this is one of your primary love languages and your husband is not a talker, it can be an issue. Doug's primary love language is "Acts of Service." Now this love language I just don't even get. I mean, if Doug does the dishes this isn't him showing his love for me, it's him doing his part around the house. But is it....

I've really had to step back and take a look at how I view things Doug does. He helps me so much with my business, Jazzy Girl Boutique. He will price my items, brad flowers and he's always there during setup and tear down. I think of this as him doing his job to help me. I mean, I'm sure he loved bradding about 100 flower clips for me! However, he sees it as doing something for me to show his love for me. This takes an adjustment in my thinking to see Doug as he really is.

This brings me to what I wanted to share today. We're on this road to Fishers, IN. I like to talk about it. I try to slip it into a conversation with whoever! I feel it's a good witness tool. I can share what God is doing and my obedience and this is just a good thing for people to hear. Now Doug doesn't talk about it much at all. Every once in awhile he'll share something with me, but not that often. He can't talk about it at work, so he really doesn't say much. I can start to question whether he really gets it. Whether he's really in it for the right reasons. Then I have to take a step back and look at his actions. Several times a week he searches for jobs and applies for anything that might be relevant. Several times a week he looks for houses for us in Fishers. Now that our house is on the market, he is crazy cleaning man every time we have a showing. I mean, we got feedback that one of the carpets in an upstairs bedroom was really a turnoff. So, we were able to get new for $80 and that night Doug installed it. I mean, this is my procrastinating husband, and he got it done in one day!

I think the biggest action of all is that he is eager to get there. He's eager to quit his steady, comfortable job here and step out into the unknown. He's giving up a lot and I know it has to be scary. So, when I step back and look at his actions, I'm simply amazed by his faith. I'm amazed at his steadfastness. I'm so glad he's the leader of our home. I'm so excited to see how God is going to bless him for his faithfulness. I'm proud to say he's my husband.

Up For Sale

Well, we finally have our house on the market. It's what we've been working towards for the past 7 months and it's finally here! I'm really trying not to stress and worry and just trust God in His timing. We so want to be in Indiana before the kids start school so we really need this to go fast! However, I trust that God has a plan and while I'm praying for a quick sale, I'm not going to stress if it doesn't happen. We'll get there when God wants us there.

Another thing we've been waiting for is also happening today. Doug has a job interview! We're so excited! He's been applying for jobs for about 4 months now and this is the first time we've heard back from anybody. It just feels good to have this next step happen, even if it turns out to be a dead end.

So, we're moving forward. Pretty exciting. Pretty scary. But so thankful that God has us in his hands! Can't wait to give a great update!