A Year of Heartache, Triumphs, Struggles, and Great Faith

Everyday, first thing I do, is read my Timehop.  If you're not sure what Timehop is, you can click here to check it out.  Usually, I love reading about previous years.  It usually sparks a memory and a smile.  Today...not so much.  Today, I read these...

It brought back so many memories.  The phone call from my mom saying that my sister, Kim, was getting worried because she hadn't heard from Joe.  Then the frantic phone call just a short time later saying he had collapsed at the gym and had been taken to the hospital.  I remember rushing to my sisters so that I could be with her kids, my precious nieces and nephew that were just 4, 3, and a little over a year old.

I remember the phone call with my brother where he said he talked to a friend that was a nurse and that it didn't sound good.  Then my mom calling, saying they thought he was dying.  I remember going up to my nieces' room, their sweet pink room, kneeling at a white bench they have there and weeping and praying that God would spare Joe's life.

God did spare Joe's life and the journey of the past year began.  It's been a long year, especially for my sister and her kids, but it's been a good year as well.  There have been ups and downs and sometimes the downs were really low, but God has been faithful every step of the way.

Kim and I are probably closer than ever, which I am very thankful for.  Her strength and her faith inspire me every day.  Her love and care of Joe is amazing to watch.  That man owes her big time when he's up and about :)

And he will be up and about.  God has promised it.  We so long for that day.  Look forward to that day.  My sister, more than any of us, I'm sure.

What a morning that will be!  When I get to wake up to a Timehop with a reminder that one year ago, Joe was completely healed!

Until then, we continue each day leaning heavily on God and His faithfulness.  I've been thankful for this year.  I'm thankful for so much time that I've got to spend with my nieces and nephew.  I'm thankful for long talks with my sister where I get to encourage her and she, so many times, encourages me.  I'm thankful for a mom that is willing to sacrifice almost every spare moment she has to help my sister and make this time easier.

Most of all, I'm thankful for a God that understands.  A God that has been there every step of the way.  Through every tear.  Through every smile.  Through every single moment.  We could not have made it through the past year without God in the midst of it.  So thankful that we didn't even have to try.  His hand has been in this from the beginning and He will see us through.

Our Manna

I have had this blog in my head for awhile now, life has just been crazy so I haven't taken the time to sit and write it down. I've been living it though and have told a couple of people of how God has been speaking to me. So, time to write it down so I can look back and see exactly how God is working in me and family during this time in our life.

Doug is still at the job that we both pretty much hate. It's not a bad job, really, but one of the main problems is the drive. It's an hour away, which means he's gone an extra 10 hours a week. It also doesn't pay a ton so he has to work extra, which means he works 10 hour days. Factor in lunch and he is gone 12 1/2 hours a day. That's a lot. Not to mention that he is randomly forced to work Saturdays. Last week he had to work Sunday as well, which means he's still waiting for a day off. Coming from where we were, where we lived not quite 10 minutes from his work so he was gone not even 8 1/2 hours a day and that included an hour home for lunch, this is just hard. It's especially hard on the kids. By the end of the week, Jazz is asking if Daddy is gone all day tomorrow. He only gets about 3 1/2 hours with us at night. To me, that's just not enough.

It's so easy to just stop right here. This is awful. I hate Doug's job. It's not fair. But, that's not where God wants me to stop. I've been reading in Numbers about the Israelites. God led them out of slavery in Egypt to the desert. When they complained that there was no food, God gave them manna. It miraculously showed up every morning but Sunday. Were they thankful? No! They complained after a time that they were sick of it and wanted some real food. I do not want to be like the Israelites! You see, God has shown me that this is our Manna. It's provision. It may not be the best thing that we could have. It may be hard to swallow some days, but God has miraculously provided a job for Doug that provides for all our needs!

It's so easy in places like this and in life in general to compare yourself to others. How do we do this? By comparing up. That person has a better car. This person has a bigger house. That guy has an amazing job, why don't I have any of those things? We shouldn't be comparing our lives to others in any case, God has given us THIS life and no other. But, take a glimpse for a second at those around you that don't have it as good as you do. Trust me, there are plenty to choose from! God gave me this glimpse and showed me just how blessed we really are. You see, God is using this time to take my eyes of my circumstances and place them on Him. I can be joyful no matter what. I can be thankful that Doug has a job at all since there are so many people that don't even have one.

So, I look at our Manna each day and I am thankful. It's not perfect. It's not ideal. But it's God's provision at this time in our lives. Thank you God!

Doug's Season

Well, Doug has a job....and I hate it! Ok, so to be fair, I am extremely thankful that God provided Doug with a job. He was only out of work about 5 weeks which is amazing. However, the job he has is terrible! He is working mandatory 10 hour days Monday through Friday and 8 hours on Saturday. When you factor in that it is almost an hour away, he is gone over 70 hours a week. All this to not even make what he was making in 40 hours at Pekin. It's just a hard place to be. My big issue is that I feel like I haven't really had to give up anything in coming here. I left some good friends in Pekin, but I moved near some good friends and my family here. I also just brought my business with me, really no big deal. Doug, however, gave up an amazing job where he put a lot of time in to be at the place where he was, almost sergeant. He moved away from his friends and family. I just feel like he gave up everything and now is really getting the raw end of the deal.

The good news is that I truly believe this is a season. I do not believe God called us here to have Doug be gone so much. It is not healthy for our family or our marriage. The question is, how long will this season last? The frustrating part is that God never tells! See, this is where our faith and trust is still being put to the test. We have stepped out in faith to just up and move here, but obviously, God wants more. He must have more to teach us, more growing for us to do. I'm sure when we're on the other side we'll be able to look back and know it was all worth it, it's just not that easy while you're living in your season.

I was reading Psalm 43:5 today:

Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God

Hope in God, that is all I have to do. Hope in God, Trust in God, Wait on God.

I'm content, and do NOT want to stay this way.

We're on this journey to Fishers, oh how many sentences have I started with this? We're in this waiting period. It's so weird, frustrating, peaceful. I go through about every emotion. I am so ready to be there, so I'm impatient. Yet, we were just able to pay off all of our credit cards because of where we are financially now, so I'm thankful. Doug has applied for so many jobs and really hasn't heard much of anything, so I'm discouraged. We have people possibly interested in our house, so I'm hopeful. I could really go on and on and my feelings change on a daily basis. There are times when a thought passes by about if we weren't going and this would be our life. Now, I'm not even thinking about not going, that thought has not crossed my mind. I know we're called by God and am so excited to be in His will. But, we're at a good place right now and sometimes a vision of what our life would be like just flutters by. So I was thinking about how we just paid off our credit cards. We just paid a huge payment on our van so we actually owe way less than it's worth. If we weren't called, we would have already gone and traded up, I just know it. We would be pimping around in our almost new van with back windows that actually roll down. We might have even bought land so we could build a house out by Keith & Gretchen. We would stay at Bridgeway, where God has stretched and grown us. We would have our small group that we love and Doug would have a nice, steady, reliable job. We would be content.


Content. Is that what God has called us to? A life of contentment? I've always wanted to be in the spot we're in now. We're getting out of debt. We don't have a ton, but we do have extras. We're blessed. Right when we've hit this point in our lives, God calls us to something different. I've been asking over the past year for God to stretch my faith. Is this how He's doing it? Here, I've given you everything you've wanted out of life, now take a step of faith and see what I have planned for you. Is there going to be any comparison? I really don't believe so. God has a plan for us that's going to change lives. That's what being a Christian on this planet is all about. It's not about being in a great small group, attending an amazing church and getting to pay your tithe. Oh, God has so much more for us.


So, I'm impatient most of the time. I do fluctuate between so many emotions, but I think I regularly come back to impatience. I'm just ready to be there. I hear of bible studies, meetings that have started, people that are already starting to have their lives changed and I'm so ready to be a part of it. But I'm also peaceful. I know God has a path for us. We'll be there in His time. My job now is to honor Him where I'm at right now. To trust that His plan for me is best. So, I'm going enjoy where I'm at. I'm going to enjoy this period of smoothness. I know there will be some rocky roads ahead. Satan never lets you be when you're doing something in faith for God's kingdom. But I know God will get us through. I mean, look at everything He's done in us to bring us to what we've wanted out of life. I can't imagine what He's going do to bring us to what He has for us in this life! So that makes me impatient again! And excited, hopeful, peaceful, grateful, humbled, eager....