An Amazing Couple of Months and an Amazing Life

I haven't posted in forever and now so much has happened and I don't even know where to start.  I'll get my excuse out of the way up front for why I haven't posted and it's not even a good one.  If it was a good one I would have said reason, but I don't have a reason for not posting, all I have is an excuse.  I've been busy.  See, told you it was just an excuse.  But, I honestly have been busy and since this blogging is more like journaling for me, it takes me awhile to write all my thoughts down and have them come across like I want them to.  And I honestly just haven't had the time to take over an hour in the mornings to do that.  So here I am on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, the kids outside playing, so I have a quiet house and am going to try to do some justice to the last couple of months in my life.

I flew for the very first time!  Yep!  That's right!  Something I didn't think I'd ever do. Yet, I always say you should never say never because sometimes, ok for me a lot of times, God pushes you to that never.  There was a church planting conference in Georgia.  I really, really wanted to go but I really, really didn't want to fly.  I finally came to the conclusion that I know God has BIG plans for SCC and since a huge group of us was going, including most of the leadership team and our pastor, the plane probably wouldn't crash.  I know that sounds terrible, but it's honestly what finally convinced me to take the plunge and just do it.  I am so glad I did.  So much good came from the conference.  Not only did I learn a ton, but God showed me what SCC is going to be like.  I saw the people worshipping.  I saw flashes of the faces of people's lives that are going to be transformed.  It was unlike anything I've ever experienced.  The other thing that happened, and probably even bigger than the vision God gave me, was that Doug & I had almost a break through in our relationship.  We have a good marriage, a very good marriage.  You might even say we have a great marriage, but now we are on the road to a fantastic marriage.  It's just so amazing how God is working in us and as we are getting closer to Him, we are getting closer to each other.  I am so, so thankful the man of God my husband is.  I am beyond blessed to be on this journey with him.

The next thing Doug and I did was go to Leadership Advance.  Basically, it was our leadership team getting together over a few days and talking about our church.  Where we've been, where we're going, what's been good, what needs to change.  It was just such a privilege to be there.  I've never been a part of something like that before and it was basically awesome.  We had some amazing prayer times, some amazing conversations, God was there.  Like I said, it was awesome!

I was driving the other day and literally asked myself if I was dreaming.  That's what I feel like, like this is one big dream.  I'm living the dream.  Now, it might not seem like that from worldly standards, but from my view, it's definitely what it feels like.  I guess living the dream when you're a Christ follower is being in the center of His will.  I have no doubt that is exactly where Doug and I are.  Things aren't always easy.  Things are not perfect.  But we're right where God wants us to be and there is no where else I want to be.

The last big thing that has happened is God has really changed my attitude with Jazzy Girl.  About a  month ago, Pastor Dan preached on rest.  I prayed that if God wanted me to quit Jazzy Girl so I would have more time for other things I would.  You see, I don't want to work.  I want to be a mom.  I want to be a wife.  I want to cook, clean, help my kids with school and then have nothing else to do.  But, God's answer was no and then the very next week I had the biggest week I've ever had.  I did more in one week than I did the whole month of February last year.  God really showed me just how blessed I am to be able to work from home.  I get to spend every day with my kids.  Even though I may not be able to just sit with them, they are in with me while I'm working most of the day.  How many other working moms get to say that.  I am so very, very blessed.  I've also hired a helper, shout out Brooke Robinson, and just the 2 hours she helps me each week are huge!  I've also changed some of the ways I do some things and it helps me be more efficient.  I started  listening to preaching, leadership podcasts & Christian nonfiction books while I sew in the morning.  I feel like I'm learning so much while I'm working and it makes the time go faster. I also have an extremely flexible schedule so I can pretty much do what I want when I want.  When I start listing it all out again, I'm reminded of just how blessed I am to do what I do.  I know it's God that has blessed my business and I know that He is going to continue to do so.

So, that's pretty much the highlights of the last few months:
Church is amazing
My marriage is amazing
My job is amazing

So, pretty much I have an amazing life.  I read in Esther 4:14 the other day:
"For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"

God could have chosen anybody to do what Doug and I are doing.  If we would have said no, it really wouldn't have been that big of deal for Him.  But, we were brought here for such a time as this.  A time to help start a church that will change lives and in the process, change our lives.  Amazing?  I don't even think that's the right word, but it's the best I've got.

Just Believe

I was reading to today in Mark 5 about Jairus, a synagogue leader whose daughter was very ill. He asked Jesus to come to his house because he knew Jesus could heal her. Jesus was stopped on the way by the healing of the women who had a bleeding disorder for 12 years. After he spoke with her, friends came and told Jairus to not bother Jesus any longer because his daughter had died. Jesus heard them and his response to Jairus was "Do not be afraid, just believe."

"Do not be afraid, just believe." Such powerful words that speak into my life. It's so easy to be afraid, to not understand when things don't go as we had planned. It's so easy in those times to question God and ask why. All we really need to do is trust and keep believing.

As I look back over the past year, I can see where I needed to hear those words over and over. When we got preapproved for a loan, put an offer in on a house and then our loan fell through ~ Do not be afraid, just believe. When Doug quit his nice comfy job before he had found a job here ~ Do not be afraid, just believe. When Doug ended up having to go to the hospital with a needle in his lung and we didn't have insurance ~ Do not be afraid, just believe.

You know, I could go on and on of the things that have happened. But, I have to say, as I look back, God has taken care of every situation. He not only took care of them, but he has worked in us through them. I can honestly say that I am thankful for every single "bad" thing that has happened to us this year. I feel like I'm sitting here a different person than I was a year ago. I owe that to God. He had to allow some things to happen to shake my faith to make it stronger. To open my eyes to some things I was allowing in my life that were tearing me down and not building me up. I can look back on this year and know "that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28. ALL THINGS! I truly believe that.

Now, I have to say, that is so much easier to sit here, look back, and know the power of those words. It's another thing entirely to live them in the moment. But I also know, that with God having come through every single time, how can I not believe them. Believe in Him. This is why I take time to blog these entries. So that the next time I'm in the middle of a Do not be afraid, just believe moment, I can come back and realize that it's not the first time I've been in this kind of situation. In fact, I'm sure it won't be the last. But if God got me through in the past. I know He'll get me through now. Not only will He get me through, but He'll use the situation to work in me to help be a little more like Him.

Do not be afraid, just believe. Truly, words to live by.

A New Year

New Year's and I have a love/hate relationship. I hate it because it's just a sign that another year has gone by. I'm a year older. My kids are a year older. Another calendar taken down and thrown away. (ok, those that know me totally know I mean recycle) Now, I'm not one of those people that cries at each birthday. I don't mind getting older and, I hope, wiser. I also love watching my kids grow up. I'm truly blessed with amazing kids and seeing the people that they are growing up to be is a blessing. But, it is an adjustment as they get older. Knowing my time to be with them every day is slowly coming to an end. It can also be hard knowing that another year has gone by where I didn't get some things done I've wanted to do. It's just another year...gone.

However, I also love New Year's. It's just this fresh start. The past year and everything I didn't do is wiped clean with a chance for me to start again. This year I've decided to set some resolutions. I'm going to record them here so I can keep myself accountable and look back on them from time to time.

1.) Never sit down to do my devotions without my journal.
I'm actually really excited about this one. In fact, I wrote more in my journal this morning than I ever have. It's so easy to sit down to read my bible so I can check it off my list. I don't ever want my devotions to be like that this year. I want to sit down, knowing that Jesus is sitting right with me and ready to love me, teach me, grow me. I want to be able to record what He has to say so I can look back and remember. I use this blog as a journal somewhat, but let's be honest, there's some things that are just between God and I and I want to be sure to record those this year.

2.) Live in Freedom this year
This is something that God's really been working on in me for awhile. This year, I'm going to succeed. God told me this morning that when I start focusing on all my faults and mistakes it's because I've taken my eyes off of Him. I'm going to strive to keep my eyes on Jesus this year and live my life through Him completely.

3.) Eat better and get in shape
To be honest, I think this has been a resolution of mine for as long as I can remember. However, this year, I think I'm finally ready to do it.

So, a new year, a fresh start. May it be a year full of Jesus in my life. May it be a year where He finds me an empty vessel that He can work through.

Freedom Vs Bondage

Sometimes I feel like such a failure. Wow! What a great way to start a blog piece, but it's true. It seems like I mess up all the time. I make a vow to never saying anything bad about anybody and the very next day I fail. I pray that I'll be a good mom today and then totally yell at my kids for something so small. It just seems like the harder I try, the worse I do.

I am in my bible and praying more than I ever have. I have been praying that I would learn more of who God is. As He is revealing Himself to me more and more, the more insignificant and unworthy I feel. He is so Holy and I am totally not. He is Righteous and I fail all the time. He is Perfect and that is a word that describes no one.

Today, as I was praying God said something to me that was just profound, awesome, amazing...I just couldn't settle on one word. He doesn't reveal Himself to us to hold us in bondage. He does not show us His Holiness to show us how much we fall short. He doesn't reveal His Perfectness to show us all of our faults. He doesn't show us His righteousness so we can see clearly just how far off we are. No. He reveals Himself to us so we can live in Freedom! Freedom in His love for us. Freedom from trying to be Holy on our own. Freedom from a worldly Righteousness that is unattainable.

God Loves us! He does not have a great log book in the sky keeping track of every single mistake we make, every time we fall short. He is drawing us to Himself. He is drawing us away from a life of sin and into his perfect presence. Are we going to mess up? Absolutely. We are human after all and there is not one of us that is perfect. But in those moments we can turn to God in Freedom, knowing that He loves us unconditionally. That He will use that mistake to make us a little more like Him. To tweak and fine tune us just a little bit more. With no sighs and grumbles of how we messed up again. But just with arms of Grace drawing us to His side.

Worth it!

At church last Sunday the band sang "Beautiful Things" and we watched a video while they were playing. It had people holding pieces of cardboard with words on both sides. They would walk up with the words of what they once were on one side and then they would flip it over and show what they are now in Christ. I've seen this done before and it is just so powerful. This time there was one that stood out to me and just was so profound. A husband and wife came up. I don't remember exactly what words were on his card, but it was something like Didn't believe in God. Hers was something like Diagnosed with Cancer. When they flipped them over His said something like Accepted Christ as my Savior and hers said Worth it. Wow. Even now, to just sit and think about that, it's just overwhelming.

I have been struggling a little bit lately. We gave up a lot to come here, all of which I would totally do again, but sometimes, it's just hard. We've had a lot of trials come our way since moving here as well. Some that cut to my very soul. It's so easy to ask why. We're doing what God called us to do. We listened. We obeyed. Shouldn't our path be just a little bit easier? I feel like God just reminds me that those who he has called to much have to give up much.

If I step back and take a look at everything that has happened, I realize that everything has shaped me, or is shaping me, to be more Christ like. I see where God is moving in my husband and changing him and therefore changing our family. I see God working through our church. This church that we gave up so much to help start has already seen people finding new life in Christ.

I think of that women who at the time she was diagnosed with cancer probably asked why. Probably was devastated. Now, on the other side, she sees the why and knows that it was worth it. I trust that'll we'll see the other side. Next year at this time, who knows how many lives will have been changed. We helped with that. People that are lost today may not be lost tomorrow. What a privilege that God chose us to work through.

So, today, can I say it was worth it? Yes. Does it make it any easier? Well, yes! but that still doesn't mean it's not hard. God never promised us an easy life. Taking up your cross is never easy, but it's always totally worth it.

Beauty

As I started my prayer time this morning, the phrase "come into his presence with thanksgiving in your heart" came to mind. I started making a list of things I'm thankful for and as I was praying over it the word "beauty" came to mind. I don't mean beauty in the physical sense, but beauty almost in a spiritual sense. You know, like a child's giggle. The family hug when the dad gets back from serving overseas. A mother seeing her newborn baby's face for the very first time. Beauty.

I was listing out things I saw beauty in. Beauty in my family, beauty in this world and beauty in God. Then I really felt like God was saying "what about beauty in others?" You see, I have a tendency to dwell on things. I mull over them. I go over conversations in my mind. It just allows things to build and build. So what might have started out as something so small that someone did or said that just kinda rubbed me the wrong way, it is now a point of annoyance with them. It infects my very idea of them. So, even when they do or say the simplest thing, it can drive me crazy.

So, I've been working on my attitudes with a couple of people and God is really working in me with that. But today, he challenged me. "Why not focus on the beauty in people. That's what I do with you." When God looks us, He does not focus on all of our brokenness. He doesn't see all the little things in our life that probably drives Him crazy! He sees us as His child. He sees us as He created us to be. That's why we can be so secure in our relationship with Him. We don't have to worry about saying something that He is going to dwell on forever! He loves us! To the cross and back!

So, I am going to work on seeing the beauty in others as God sees the beauty in me. When people say things that hurt or even annoy, I'm going to look deeper. Is what they're saying out of love and it just came out wrong? Is what they're saying out of their brokenness and I need to be praying for them? Or is what they're saying truth and I need to be praying about me!

God, help me to see Your beauty in all things and especially in the people You created.

Our Manna

I have had this blog in my head for awhile now, life has just been crazy so I haven't taken the time to sit and write it down. I've been living it though and have told a couple of people of how God has been speaking to me. So, time to write it down so I can look back and see exactly how God is working in me and family during this time in our life.

Doug is still at the job that we both pretty much hate. It's not a bad job, really, but one of the main problems is the drive. It's an hour away, which means he's gone an extra 10 hours a week. It also doesn't pay a ton so he has to work extra, which means he works 10 hour days. Factor in lunch and he is gone 12 1/2 hours a day. That's a lot. Not to mention that he is randomly forced to work Saturdays. Last week he had to work Sunday as well, which means he's still waiting for a day off. Coming from where we were, where we lived not quite 10 minutes from his work so he was gone not even 8 1/2 hours a day and that included an hour home for lunch, this is just hard. It's especially hard on the kids. By the end of the week, Jazz is asking if Daddy is gone all day tomorrow. He only gets about 3 1/2 hours with us at night. To me, that's just not enough.

It's so easy to just stop right here. This is awful. I hate Doug's job. It's not fair. But, that's not where God wants me to stop. I've been reading in Numbers about the Israelites. God led them out of slavery in Egypt to the desert. When they complained that there was no food, God gave them manna. It miraculously showed up every morning but Sunday. Were they thankful? No! They complained after a time that they were sick of it and wanted some real food. I do not want to be like the Israelites! You see, God has shown me that this is our Manna. It's provision. It may not be the best thing that we could have. It may be hard to swallow some days, but God has miraculously provided a job for Doug that provides for all our needs!

It's so easy in places like this and in life in general to compare yourself to others. How do we do this? By comparing up. That person has a better car. This person has a bigger house. That guy has an amazing job, why don't I have any of those things? We shouldn't be comparing our lives to others in any case, God has given us THIS life and no other. But, take a glimpse for a second at those around you that don't have it as good as you do. Trust me, there are plenty to choose from! God gave me this glimpse and showed me just how blessed we really are. You see, God is using this time to take my eyes of my circumstances and place them on Him. I can be joyful no matter what. I can be thankful that Doug has a job at all since there are so many people that don't even have one.

So, I look at our Manna each day and I am thankful. It's not perfect. It's not ideal. But it's God's provision at this time in our lives. Thank you God!